Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
