Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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