when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
