It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
