thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
