I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
