ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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