does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
