You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
