Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
