I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
