While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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