THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
