That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
