I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
