apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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