I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
