how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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