if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
