How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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