What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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