I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
