Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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