So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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