I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
