That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
id be glad to
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
