You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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