adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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