I want to make a zoo with you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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