Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
