You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
