Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ok first of all what the fuck
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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