honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Soap is not a condiment
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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