Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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