If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vodka?
Forever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
