the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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