if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
