dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
