Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
