Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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