For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
