Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
