your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
