Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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