If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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