Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
