meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
