i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
