You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
