Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
