Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was a blind-side dick pic.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
