Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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